The Douchmeter

People around here (Seattle area) have a real sense of entitlement.

Folks at the gym who feel like they "own" the equipment until they are done with the 15 step workout. Wrong, I haven't seen anybody using this equipment for five minutes, I'm going to use it. It's not yours. You don't own it, douchemister. If you haven't used it for 5-10 minutes, it is fair game, I don't need to ask your permission.

No, you can't leave that gigantic pottted plant it in the sink in the office kitchen, and give me an irritated look when I move to wash out my coffee cup. Who are you? Ciscoe Morris?

Don't tell me how to get on the bus, either. Just get on the bus. Does it say Douche Express on the side of the 510? I don't think so. If it did, then it would be your bus, and you can tell me the order to proceed. Otherwise, shove it.

The funny thing, these are the same people who cut your grandma off in traffic because they are late till there yoga class. Oh man, I'm not gonna be able to stretch and fart! Damnit! Or alfalfa party or whatever.

That is all. Done venting.

Remember to recycle...

Bin Laden's Former Driver Enjoys Cake

It is reported the Salim Ahmed Hamdan also enjoys many forms of baked goods, particularly pies and torts.

Hail to the King, Baby!

Fat people await arrival of taco truck.

Johnny Seattle Returns

Hi! Johnny Fucking Seattle here again.

Well, the Fremont Fair is tomorrow and of course I will be participating in the Solstice Parade. I may take all my clothes off, paint my naked self with white bodypaint, and ride my cutting edge bicycle Brokeback. What do you think? Not something you want to see. The naked body can be beautiful, but not on a bicycle wearing a helmet and elbow pads. I mean, where does my junk go anyway? One to th left, one to the right, and ol' one-eye in the middle? I can never figure it out.

After riding around naked with the proper safety equipment, I may throw on my sarong (and only my sarong) get really stoned and go play hacky sack at Golden Gardens.

Then I may go to the reggae band that is playing at the Fair, and be the guy who is way more into it then anybody else. Everyone else will be sitting in the grass, calmly enjoying the show, and I will be failing about like a freshly boated Copper River salmon (fresh caught only, no farm raised!). I love dancing to reggae! Just gets me going!

After that I may pick up some organic, locally grown produce and rub it all over myself. I may even take a bath in the shit. I may pickup a strawberry shortcake on my way out of the fair and smash it on my head.

Yeah, you know who I am. And you know I will be at the Fremont Fair tomorrow.

Johnny Seattle

Hi! My name is Johnny Fucking Seattle. I like organic, trade-free, hormone-free, all natural food. I shop at places like Whole Foods, Metropolitan Market, and Trader Joe's. Safeway can go fuck it self for selling that awful crap.

I'm fascinated with Asian cultures and my wet dream is living in Japan, walking around in a kimono, learning karate, and eating some Pho.

I like alternative, local, whiner rock you probably have never heard of. Sometimes they play it on KEXP, the only station I listen to. Well, KUOW is okay.

I live on Captiol Hill, of course. I walk to work. I shop at REI, and ride my bike on weekends. I got one of those cool messenger bags that looks like a car seatbelt.

I like Barack, of course. Hilary is a cunt who should die of AIDS. What's that? John McCain? Don't even get my started.

Well, I'm off now to stuff my pants with alfalfa, and jam with my band.

More coworker stuff

My other coworker is hillarious. The other day he said he was going to hop on his tron bike and head to the kitchen. Then he made the motions and whirring sounds like he was getting on a tron bike.

No shit.