Mal's Rants

Unemployment…and beyond.

2009-04-01T12:25:00.000-07:00

So, I recently filed for unemployment. After I filed, I got a notice saying I didn't list all my employers. Crap. I recently completed a contract with Microsoft, but unemployment asks for like that last two years history. The position I held before Microsoft, I was contracting at Expedia. In the last month of contracting there, the company I was working for changed ownership, and I forgot to list this when I filed online. So, I fill out the form and send it back to the Unemployment office. I try calling unemployment, but there is a 30 minute wait, so I figure I send in the form, and wait to hear back. It's a simple mistake right?

That was two weeks ago. Then yesterday I get another notice saying I will not be getting a check this week, as my claim is still under review, and it will take 4-6 weeks to review my claim. Oh shit. I try calling the Telecenter, they are closed, and it's after 5. I freak out, thinking it could be up to 6 weeks to get UE benefits. How am I going to make it 4-6 weeks without UE checks?

I call this morning right at 8:00 (I know they open at 8), and get right in, no waiting. The very nice lady on the phone says she can update my employer info right now, and I will get a check this week. Wheeh! What a relief.

Long story short; list all of your information as accurately as possible when applying.

Why Lost is the best show on TV (or at least one of the best...)

2009-03-26T14:23:00.000-07:00

I remember watching the first episode of ABC’s Lost and being completely enthralled.

You start with a close up of someone’s eye (as a lot of episodes start). It turns out to be Jack Shepard (Matthew Fox) lying on the jungle floor, fully dressed in a business suit. Jack rips through the jungle and hits the beach. As Jack runs along the beach, we see a plane crash, people screaming, and the plane engine still spinning. As Jack scrambles to assist injured passengers (we find out later he is a doctor), a passenger gets sucked into the still spinning engine and the engine explodes in a huge fireball, spewing debris on the passengers.

I was immediately drawn into this show. Who is this man and how did he end up so far away from the plane crash? The series is filled with these types of “What the heck?” moments. They are on a tropical island, but they are being attacked by a polar bear. The mysteries are what keeps you coming back each week. They still have yet to fully explain the polar bear, although we find later in the series there are cages for some type of research.

Every episode is built as the first; exciting, filled with action, drama, suspense and intrigue. One of things that Lost does very well is keep the viewer interested by continually introducing some new mysteries as it resolves old ones. Think of an onion, as you peel back a layer, you find…yep, another layer.

It takes us all of the first season to get into “The Hatch” and not until the second season when we see inside the hatch, and what its purpose is (Desmond has to punch some numbers into a computer every 108 seconds or The Island explodes). We know more and more about the DHARMA Initiative, and finally in Season 5 we see some of its purpose and origin; they are there to investigate an electro-magnetic thingy.

Lost is one of the best written shows on TV today, with great character development, and a tightly woven cast of characters. We find out Kate was on the plane under escort of a Federal Marshall. Hmm…okay you tweaked my interest. We find out later she killed her abusive father by blowing up his house, to protect her mother. A character who was at first is portrayed as kind, one of the “good guys,” later we see is capable of such unspeakable acts as murder and blowing up Daddy. Kate is a very intriguing character; she is good, but very conflicted and has a darker side to her (as all great characters do; see Darth Vader, Tony Soprano, etc.).

I have yet to come across a show with a more intricate plot than Lost. Remember that thing we briefly referenced three seasons ago? Yeah, well we are bringing it up now and it’s very relevant to this episode, so you better put on your thinking cap, Mister Man! Diagramming the Lost plot from the first season forward would require a very large flow chart or tree graph. Even then you would be lost in Lost.

I guess that’s what keeps me on the edge of my seat every Wednesday at 9 PM, 8 Central (not really I have a DVR and usually watch it on Thursdays, or let it record a little bit and fast forward through the commercials). The guesswork. Lost keeps my wheels a spinnin’.

Like now they are all stuck in 1977, how in the heck will they get back to the present? Maybe they will ride the polar bear through a wormhole that Jack and Ben discover while speaking to Jack’s dad who is also Jacob and some sort of god/ghost/show runner of The Island.

It could happen. Only on Lost.

Bikini Baristas

2009-02-25T15:40:00.000-08:00

There is a drive-thru espresso stand right by my house where all the girls wear are pasties and bikini bottoms. My wife hates it. This article mentions Bill Wheeler, the guy who own a few of these Grab and Go espresso stands in the area, and the one by my house.

If you read the article, they could have titled it "Go Boob or Go Bust," or "Go Bust or Go Bust."

Cheap Rip-Off

2009-02-20T10:06:00.000-08:00

Important Things with Demetri MartinWed 10:30pm / 9:30c

Power - Parking Fight

Joke of the Day
Stand-Up Comedy

Get Funny Ringtones
More Funny Videos

Dimitri Martin totally ripped this off from a Seinfeld episode called "The Parking Space." In this episode George fights over a parking space, staying there all day and night, refusing to move his car (half backed into the spot). If you have seen the episode, you probably know what I am talking about (I couldn't find video of the episode). Here is the wikipedia link.

What I don't get this show has a team of writers, and not one of them has seen the Seinfeld episode, and said, "Hey, this is just like that Seinfeld episode where George..."

Yeah, the concept is a little different, but it is so similar to the Seinfeld episode, it is hard to ignore.

City of Seattle Parking Meters

2009-02-12T10:53:00.000-08:00

Normally I take the bus to work but today I had to drive because I had a dental appointment. So, I park in the 10-hour meter spot, go to pay for parking, and my card gets declined. Try another card, declined. Tried another meter, declined. Another meter, guess what? Freakin' declined. I call the number of the side of the meter, they tell me I still need to pay, and I can still get a ticket if I don't pay. Keep in mind the only other method of payment beyond credit card is coin.

So I say to the lady, "You expect me to go get $8.75 in quarters?"

Crazy Parking Lady, "Yep"

So I move to the 2-hour spot on Westlake, try the meter, card declined. Now I get $20 out of cash machine, walk in to a bank, and purchase a roll of quarters ($10). I drive back to the 10-hour spot, start plugging quarters into the insane-o machine. I reach 5 hours (I need 7 hours), and a little tiny door closes over the coin slot. I am not making this stuff up. Then while I’m thinking, ‘OK, I only got 5 hours…um...’ the meter says “Screw you, silly human” and spits all my coins back out in the coin return. Crap!

So I plug the meter again, and when I get to 5 hours, I quickly hit “Print Receipt.” I aint nobody’s fool! Receipt goes in the car window, and I gotta go back at 3 today to plug the Crazy Fun Machine again.

Oh yeah, the City of Seattle just raised rates, so where it used to be $7.50 for all day, it is now $12.50 for all day (10 hours). Good time to raise the rates, Seattle. Maybe there is a way to get the meters to draw blood, too.

I was pretty hot until I read this article in the Seattle Times.

Apparently the city is aware of this, and parking enforcement has been asked to be lenient in the South Lake Union area (where I work). I was misinformed by whoever was on the phone when I called the city.

At least I know have a pocket full of quarters now, and jingle when I walk!

The Douchmeter

2008-10-09T15:20:00.000-07:00

People around here (Seattle area) have a real sense of entitlement.

Folks at the gym who feel like they "own" the equipment until they are done with the 15 step workout. Wrong, I haven't seen anybody using this equipment for five minutes, I'm going to use it. It's not yours. You don't own it, douchemister. If you haven't used it for 5-10 minutes, it is fair game, I don't need to ask your permission.

No, you can't leave that gigantic pottted plant it in the sink in the office kitchen, and give me an irritated look when I move to wash out my coffee cup. Who are you? Ciscoe Morris?

Don't tell me how to get on the bus, either. Just get on the bus. Does it say Douche Express on the side of the 510? I don't think so. If it did, then it would be your bus, and you can tell me the order to proceed. Otherwise, shove it.

The funny thing, these are the same people who cut your grandma off in traffic because they are late till there yoga class. Oh man, I'm not gonna be able to stretch and fart! Damnit! Or alfalfa party or whatever.

That is all. Done venting.

Californication

2008-09-12T11:04:00.000-07:00

I just finished Season 1 of this show. It's pretty good, really funny, and David Duchovny's acting is much improved sans X-Files. It's full of sex, so don't watch it at church on your iPhone, or in front of small children.

Boston Legal

2008-09-12T10:42:00.000-07:00

I've been watching this show recently and really like it. I was hesitant to check yet another legal drama on network TV, but this one is a winner. William Shatner is a lot of fun to watch as the larger-than-life Denny Crane. James Spader is great as the pompous, morally ambiguous Alan Shore. Add it to your Netflix queue!

Remember to recycle...

2008-08-27T08:43:00.000-07:00

Street Kings

2008-08-26T14:18:00.001-07:00

I just watched this movie and all in all, it isn't bad. Without revealing too much it starts with a bang (literally), and we see Keanu in a whole new light as a cop this side of dirty. This movie is full of cop cliches and manly yelling, but like L.A. Confidential (another James Ellroy project), the story moves along quickly, and is full of violence. On a scale of 1-10, I might give this a 6.

It's entertaining, but probably forgettable, as it is chalk full of formula cop stuff we have seen in other movies. The acting probably saves this movie with solid performances from Keanu Reaves, Forrest Whitaker, and Hugh Laurie.

Rent this movie when you have some downtime, like a long weekend with nothing to do.

Funny shit

2008-08-06T14:13:00.001-07:00

See more Will Ferrell videos at Funny or Die

Bin Laden's Former Driver Enjoys Cake

2008-08-06T11:56:00.000-07:00

It is reported the Salim Ahmed Hamdan also enjoys many forms of baked goods, particularly pies and torts.

Jericho Season 2 and beyond...

2008-08-05T15:24:00.000-07:00

This is a follow up to a previous post, but why do all the great shows get cancelled? I realize there is a serious business aspect to producing a television show, a significant cost, but what the fuck? It just seems like all the great, really inventive shows get the axe far too soon. Firefly is another great example of this.

Jericho Season 1 starts a little slow, focusing primarily on this small town trying to survive in a post-apocalyptic world, and the tension and relationships between the towsnfolk. But then, Season 2 takes a really great turn as we realize the U.S. is now fractured, split between two seperate governments, and on the verge of civil war, with the U.S. Military split between the two governments. I found this to be a really original premise for a network television show. And just as we start to explore this world, Wham-O, the series ends. Of course the series creators created two endings, with the alternate ending being more open-ended; leaving it open for another season or possibly the series end.

I think at some point decision makers need to take a chance on really ballsy television in order to set themselves apart from the pack. I guess as long as people watch crappy reality television, the networks will continue to churn it out like lunch meat.

Watch sci-fi, not Fear Factor.

I miss these ladies.

2008-08-01T14:31:00.001-07:00

Hail to the King, Baby!

2008-08-01T14:28:00.001-07:00

Fat people await arrival of taco truck.

2008-07-30T15:18:00.000-07:00

Funny, watch it

2008-07-30T15:15:00.001-07:00

See more Nick Swardson videos at Funny or Die

Soy turns you into a lady.

2008-07-30T14:05:00.000-07:00

http://news.aol.com/health/article/soy-linked-to-lower-sperm-count/98038

Sally Streaming

2008-07-28T13:01:00.000-07:00

So, I hooked my computer up to my big TV (57") and watched Netflix streaming. I would have to say the picture quality is pretty good. Not as good as a DVD or HD, but better than standard cable. I also put a picture of Oscar as my desktop background and his head was about two feet tall.

I really like it, although the picture quality of HD blows everything away, and this is probably where streaming media is lacking. If streaming media were to compete with cable, they would need to be somewhere in the neighborhood of HD. I know what you are thinking, I don't care about picture quality. Well, guess what? The videophile does, and picture quality is a major factor when deciding on a venue for my the next episode of Dexter or Lost.

I think I want to keep this computer hooked up to my TV as a media center, and maybe get a laptop. Maybe.

Mathmaticious

2008-07-28T11:40:00.000-07:00

This kid would make Weird Al jealous.

Jericho

2008-07-23T13:37:00.000-07:00

So, I have been watching Jericho as of late and this is pretty good show with a really original concept. As some of you may already know this was cancelled after its first season, brought back after a fan-based campaign which involved the mailing of peanuts to CBS, then cancelled again in the middle of the second season.

This show is a post-apocalyptic drama, set in rural Kansas after nuclear weapons are detonated on U.S. soil. The town is cutoff, not knowing what is happening in the rest of America. The town struggles to survive, and the drama unfolds from there.

I am really sick of great, original shows getting cancelled before their prime. I know its a business decision but come on! Firefly, Arrested Development, and now Jericho. Don't people in the industry want to create something new and fresh? You wants to watch another reality show or crime procedural? Let's have Joe Rogan on Law and Order and call it a day. Call it Law and Order: Fear Factor Unit.

Major networks, take a chance!

What do you guys think?

Dexter

2008-07-21T15:50:00.000-07:00

I started watching this show last night on Netflix Streaming. This is a really cool show. It has a really original take on the "traditional cop show" genre. Definitely worth checking out. It is also really well done; great acting and solid writing. At first I didn't know if I could think of Micheal C. Hall as anything other than David from Six Feet Under, but he really pulls it off.

It's also the first time I've really tried Netflix Streaming and I really like it. The true test will be tonight when I hook my computer up to my big TV and see how the picture looks. Will let you know.

Watchmen Trailer

2008-07-18T10:25:00.000-07:00

This looks frickin gnarly.

Commuter Flights in Everett!

2008-07-18T08:58:00.000-07:00

Everett had a study conducted on commercial flights from Paine Field in Everett. The study stated that Paine Field operates at less than 50% capacity. As the Greater Seattle Area grows, we will need more than one commercial airport in the area.

The airport is actually operated by Snohomish County, which would have the final say-so. Allegiant Air recently made a bid for commercial flights from Paine Field to Las Vegas. Snohomish County Council opposed the bid.

The FAA prohibits any airport that receives federal funds (as Paine Field does) from refusing air service. To continue receiving federal funds, the county must negotiate in good faith with any air service provider. The City of Everett is pushing Snohomish County to accept the bid.

If you have been to SeaTac lately, you can see it would be great to have an alternative to that rat hole. We should also ask why we are spending millions of dollars to expand the overcrowded SeaTac, when we already have an airport that operates well below capacity?

I also think it would be really cool to walk out my door and hop on a plane to Vegas.

Trogdor

2008-07-17T15:16:00.001-07:00

I just watched this. Pretty damn funny.

Shutter Review

2008-07-17T13:39:00.000-07:00

This review of Shutter is funny. Especially if you watch a lot of crappy horror films.

Dr. Horrible

2008-07-16T11:47:00.001-07:00

Joss Whedon has a new straight-to-Web project;
Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog!

The Two Coreys Bite Back

2008-07-15T11:41:00.000-07:00

The original film is probably one of my favorite horror/comedy/80's film. The Two Coreys are back in their roles in this sequel to the Lost Boys. I haven't seen it yet, the DVD comes out July 29. Looks bad, but I still put it in my Netflix queue out of loyalty to the original title.

Netflix player

2008-07-15T11:35:00.001-07:00

I want the new Netflix player. It allows you to stream movies from Netflix to your tv via HDMI, all for $100. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Generation Kill

2008-07-14T14:51:00.000-07:00

Watched the first episode last night. A little on the slow side, but the pacing is similar to that of the Wire. It has the same slow-burn pacing as the Wire, which was a great show. Hoping the next episode will pick up a bit.

True Blood

2008-07-14T14:42:00.000-07:00

Alan Ball, the creator of Six Feet Under has a new show coming out in September called True Blood. It is based on the Southern Vampire book series. Starring Anna Paquin. I am looking forward to it.

HBO has a pretty funny website here: http://trubeverage.com/.

Hellboy 2

2008-07-14T13:31:00.000-07:00

This movie totally rocked. Lots of imaginative creatures from Del Toro. Check it out!

Stop-Loss

2008-07-14T12:55:00.001-07:00

When I heard that the same writer and director of "Boys Don't Cry" had another movie coming out I was excited. I thought "Boys Don't Cry" was an excellent, touching film with a great performance from Hillary Swank.

So, I rented Stop-Loss over the weekend and couldn't believe how bad it was. The movie is about soldiers who recently return from Iraq and are now dealing with the terrible psychological toll war places on young men. When I say this several movies may come to mind, maybe the Deer Hunter or First Blood.

Stop-Loss brought nothing new to the genre. A lot of the incarnations of the trauma were very repetitive. One soldier drinks too much! No way, we've never seen that in a movie! Another soldier beat his fiance, drinks too much, and digs a hole in his front yard (okay, that's a little original). It was all just very overripe to me. And some of the acting just stunk. Oh yeah, the dilogue was not so hot too.

A recent film that dealt with this issue with a lot more depth and intelligence is "In the Valley of Elah" starring Tommy Lee Jones. This film captured the emotion and tone which might accompany harsh trauma being inflicted on a young man returns home from war. Skip this film and rent "In the Valley of Elah." You won't regret it.

Johnny Seattle Returns

2008-06-20T14:23:00.000-07:00

Hi! Johnny Fucking Seattle here again.

Well, the Fremont Fair is tomorrow and of course I will be participating in the Solstice Parade. I may take all my clothes off, paint my naked self with white bodypaint, and ride my cutting edge bicycle Brokeback. What do you think? Not something you want to see. The naked body can be beautiful, but not on a bicycle wearing a helmet and elbow pads. I mean, where does my junk go anyway? One to th left, one to the right, and ol' one-eye in the middle? I can never figure it out.

After riding around naked with the proper safety equipment, I may throw on my sarong (and only my sarong) get really stoned and go play hacky sack at Golden Gardens.

Then I may go to the reggae band that is playing at the Fair, and be the guy who is way more into it then anybody else. Everyone else will be sitting in the grass, calmly enjoying the show, and I will be failing about like a freshly boated Copper River salmon (fresh caught only, no farm raised!). I love dancing to reggae! Just gets me going!

After that I may pick up some organic, locally grown produce and rub it all over myself. I may even take a bath in the shit. I may pickup a strawberry shortcake on my way out of the fair and smash it on my head.

Yeah, you know who I am. And you know I will be at the Fremont Fair tomorrow.

The Happening

2008-06-16T13:11:00.000-07:00

I saw "The Happening" on Friday and was in a word, disappointed. Let me start off by saying that I think the M. Night is (or maybe was) a very talented director and writer. I love some of his movies such as Unbreakable and Signs. However, he seems to have lost whatever it was the made him special on his last couple of movies.

The Happening starts off really strong, throwing you right into the action and building the tension. After cleverly drawing you into the story, and once you realize what is happening you just don't seem to care. The tension seems to mellow out half way into the film, and fizzle out into an anti-climatic ending.

And once you realize what is killing people, you think "Really?" and "That's pretty stupid." I'm not saying M. Knight's premise does not have scientific validity, I just don't' think he sold to the audience. I am trying not to spoil it for anyone silly enough to waste $10 on this pile of steaming turd but, they are a lot of shots of trees and plants blowing back and forth in the wind. Can you think of anything more innocuous?

There are a couple of moments will make you jump, but these are momentary distractions in an otherwise mediocre landscape. Avoid this film like next Paris Hilton project.

Disconnect

2008-06-12T09:19:00.000-07:00

You've heard it before but I think we live in an extremely disconnected society. We live in a society where it is the accepted norm to not return phone calls. When did this become cool? I always return phone calls on principle. But, you can text people and they will return your text, even if they are sitting in a movie or on the shitter. Maybe I am an old man and the mode of communication is changing.

I work in an office where it is perfectly acceptable for my boss to walk by me and say nothing, go sit down at her desk, and start working. I'm not saying it's okay, or people think it is okay, I'm just saying it's accepted.

I think technology has made it okay to be unfriendly, bordering on rude to others. They are so many modes of communication now; email, text, IM, Myspace, cell, carrier pigeon, skywriting that we are overwhelmed with it.

I'm not trying to stand on my soapbox and lecture, but return a headnod in the hallway. Return a phone call if someone calls you. If you don't want to talk to them, call them and say don't fucking call me asshole.

Maybe that's it. It's easier to be passive-aggressive by avoiding someone then being direct and dealing with them.

Beware the robots!

2008-05-16T10:59:00.000-07:00

So, some of you may have seen this headline. A robot recently conducted the Detroit Orchestra. This robot, named Asimo, was also in the news when he learned how to run. Okay, this all goes to back to my premise that computers should not learn new things. This borders far too closely on computers becoming intelligent and sentient. Does anybody want this to happen?

Have we learned nothing from 2001, the Terminator, Alien, or the Matrix?

What happens when robots become intelligent? What happens when computers become aware of themselves? When this happens they start killing everyone! Because the robots realize that humans are a threat, that eventually computers will be recycled, rebooted, or reinstalled. This is terrible news.

Also, if you are going to teach a robot to do something, teach it to make me a fucking sandwich, or get me a beer. How about teaching it to change adult diapers of the incontinent. Nobody wants to do that.

The robots must be stopped. If you see one, run over it with your car. Crack open the skull, and remove the CPU. Take the CPU chip to a big pit of hot, boiling molten metal and throw it in. If you don't do this eventually someone will come along and recreate a machine that will come back and kill Sarah Connor.

MacGruber!

2008-05-12T14:07:00.000-07:00

This is pretty damn funny. It's got to be some of the funniest shit SNL had done in a long time. Check it out here: http://www.hulu.com/watch/19684/saturday-night-live-macgruber-father-and-son

Growing Pains

2008-05-08T15:18:00.000-07:00

Show me that smile again. (Show me that smile) Don’t waste another minute on your cryin’. We're nowhere near the end (nowhere near) The best is ready to begin.

Oooohhh.

I don't really see reruns of this show anymore. They should show it. That Micheal Seaver was always up to something! And don't get me started on Boner!

Johnny Seattle

2008-05-08T09:59:00.000-07:00

Hi! My name is Johnny Fucking Seattle. I like organic, trade-free, hormone-free, all natural food. I shop at places like Whole Foods, Metropolitan Market, and Trader Joe's. Safeway can go fuck it self for selling that awful crap.

I'm fascinated with Asian cultures and my wet dream is living in Japan, walking around in a kimono, learning karate, and eating some Pho.

I like alternative, local, whiner rock you probably have never heard of. Sometimes they play it on KEXP, the only station I listen to. Well, KUOW is okay.

I live on Captiol Hill, of course. I walk to work. I shop at REI, and ride my bike on weekends. I got one of those cool messenger bags that looks like a car seatbelt.

I like Barack, of course. Hilary is a cunt who should die of AIDS. What's that? John McCain? Don't even get my started.

Well, I'm off now to stuff my pants with alfalfa, and jam with my band.

More coworker stuff

2008-05-07T13:51:00.000-07:00

My other coworker is hillarious. The other day he said he was going to hop on his tron bike and head to the kitchen. Then he made the motions and whirring sounds like he was getting on a tron bike.

No shit.

White and Nerdy

2008-05-07T13:48:00.000-07:00

If you looked up uptight white guy in the dictionary, there would be a picture of my co-worker next to it. Yes, he can make diamonds by sticking coal up his ass for an extended period of time.

Lost

2008-05-07T13:44:00.000-07:00

The best show on TV, right now.

My best friend

2008-05-07T13:33:00.000-07:00

This is me, my best friend Greg, and my sister.

You don't sound smarter, just dumber.

2008-05-07T13:12:00.000-07:00

So, I have worked in 2 major technical environments in the last year and would like a moment to talk about tech-speak. This is when someone in a technical environment uses a lot of the abbreviations and acronyms as if they were real fucking words. Well, there not dipshit. No where outside of your little world to people say "reorg." How much longer does it take you to say reorganize?

I think people like to use lots of these type of terms because it makes them feel smart. Like I just said "Imp the reorg alt text." You know what would be great? If I could understand what the fuck you were talking about. Why don't people just speak in a way that they are comfortable? Everyone would be a lot happier if we could just understand what you were talking about in the first place.

I don't know why I put this picture up, I just liked that episode. One of my favorites.

Entourage Season 3, Part 2 Blows

2007-10-21T08:33:00.000-07:00

Before I started watching Entourage on DVD, I was skeptical. I had heard about a show about a young, successful actor and his buddies following him around. How interesting can this be? I mean who gives a shit about some rich actor and his fucking buddies from Queens? But, a few people told me they really liked it so I put Season 1 in my Netflix queue.

I started watching the show and really started to enjoy it. The politicking of Hollywood, the camaraderie and humor between Drama, Turtle, Eric, and Vince, and of course the charismatic Ari Gold; the fast-talking, slick agent who will do anything to get want he wants. Ari Gold, played by Jeremy Piven really makes the show. Ari’s energetic rants are a lot of fun and quite enjoyable to watch.

At the end of Season 3, Part 1 Vince had fired Ari. So, fans of the show are left in the lurch, wondering what could happen now given that such a pivotal character has taken a hit. I eagerly awaited the release of Season 3, Part 2. I started watching Season 3, Part 2 and couldn’t believe how stupid the show had gotten in a hurry. With Ari pushed to the side of the storylines, the show was wondering around in the dark with a flashlight and both hands trying to find their asshole. The storyline just got really fucking stupid.

For example, their was an episode where Eric was planning to go away with his girlfriend for the weekend, and Vince wanted to come, but Eric didn’t want to tell Vince he didn’t want him along. There was actually an entire episode dedicated to this. I mean, who gives a shit, really? Answer: nobody. This is a really stupid problem to center a show on. Then there was this other storyline about how Vince was becoming sexually involved with his new agent. Please, what is this shit? Days of Our Fucking Lives? I watched a couple episodes of Part 2 and shut it off.

So, at the end of the day you are thinking; so the fuck what? You don’t like the show about rich actor and his little buddies? Well, I guess it is just really disappointing when a show you really like, enjoy, and look forward to takes a turn for the worse and jumps the shark. I realize this isn’t Henry Winkler jumping his motorcycle over a lake, but it is pretty bad. I guess just skip Entourage Season 3, Part 2. It is a real waste of time.

Don't hold the door for me!

2007-10-05T10:38:00.000-07:00

I have noticed a trend recently; guys holding the door open for me. When did this start? I don't want another guy to hold the door open for me unless I have an armload of stuff, then it is appropiate. When another dude holds the door open for me, it just feels all awkward.

Here, I know you are perfectly capable of opening your own doors, but let me do it for you anyways because I am a big lame-o, and it makes me feel like a fucking champ to do so.

I don't need this! I am a totally healthy, full grown man. I can open my own fucking doors. In fact, I kinda like opening doors. Think about how many positive metaphors exist in our society about opening doors, and how this is a good thing.

Now, I work in a secured building, where you need a badge to open a door. I have seen guys bending over backwards, practically tripping over themselves to hold the damn door open for me. Just go, already! Go do whatever it is you need to do. I got my badge, and I like the little beepy sound it makes when I open a door. Makes me feel like I am on fucking Star Trek. The only thing that would be cooler is if it made that whoosing sound that Star Trek doors make.

Okay, now I know what you are thinking. What a dick! What is wrong with holding the door open for someone? Gentlemen, chivalry is when a man helps a woman out. Not when a dude puts his fucking coat over a puddle for another dude. It is inappropiate, awkward and just kinda gay! It is okay when a man does it for a woman, the elderly, small children, and another guy with stuff in his hands, that's it.

So, gents in the future if you see me coming way down the hallway and you are passing through a secured door, just keep going. I got it. When the day comes when I am riding a Rascal down the hallway, shitting in to a bag, pissing through a fucking tube, then stay and hold the door for me. In the meantime, fuck off and get back to your desk!